Like I promised in my About Me blog, I will be real, transparent, and tell you how it is. It won’t always be warm and fuzzy, I warn you. But regarding love, grace, and gratitude in my life, it’s like this:
Though there were definitely dark days in my youth (perhaps I’ll revisit them in a future blog). I was raised by my middle-class parents who taught me about both Jewish law and Christianity, and how the two merged with Jesus Christ. I cut my teeth on the back of a Pentecostal church pew, learned the Bible from beginning to end, and sang in the choir. I spent my weekends with my friends, and my summers at church camp. I received an education and traveled all over the states before I settled down and got married at the young, naive age of 23. Though my soul desire was always to be in the ministry and serve others, I threw away every opportunity I had for being a strong female role model for the young ladies in my church, and I chased after love instead. I left home, left the church, and spent the next 20 years of my life raising my daughter and trying with everything in me to be someone I was not, all for someone who didn’t love or understand me.
Here I was, a blood-bought child of God, looking for love. My Creator knew me by name and loved me, but I had rejected everything He wanted me to be. I found myself at the end of a bad marriage, drowning in emotional pain and fear, searching for love and acceptance from self-serving people. But unlike the love I desperately wanted from others, God’s love for me never faded. He kept me, He called me home, He forgave me, and for that I’m so grateful!
I’ve wasted a lot of years being someone else, for someone else. Never again! I can truly say, even though I’m alone now, I am not lonely! In the middle of the night, when fear and rejection (my two biggest enemies) come to visit, I can find peace in knowing who I am, and who my Father is.
His love keeps me, His grace saves me, and even on my worst days I can close my eyes and remember this…and I’m full of gratitude!